Name one area
Not fix his whole life. One part of it, chosen honestly, worked on for ninety days.
Back to home
For his wife, his partner, his sister, his mother, his daughter
Understand the workhe is considering.
If someone close to you is considering Men Built For More, you may want to know what is taught, what it costs and what participation involves. This page explains the approach and the questions worth discussing together.
What this is not
Nothing here teaches a man to manage women.
Here is the difference, plainly.
Not this
- Hold frame so she never sees you waver
- Run dread so she stays slightly insecure
- Techniques for winning arguments at home
- A private belief that her nature is betrayal
This
- Say the true thing, especially when it costs him
- Keep his word on an ordinary week, not a good one
- Be accountable to men who will notice either way
- Become someone whose word is the safest thing you know
What he is asked to do
Tell the truth out loud, every week.
Name one exit
The specific thing he reaches for when pressure arrives. The phone, the drink, the work, the silence.
Report back
Weekly commitments, kept or not kept, said out loud to men who will notice either way.
Realistic expectations
What to look for.
Joining a program is a decision to begin work. What matters afterwards is how he behaves: whether he keeps agreements, communicates more clearly and takes responsibility for his actions. A course does not guarantee a particular outcome for your relationship.
You can ask questions about the work and discuss its effect on your time, budget and relationship. Other participants' personal disclosures stay private. That does not stop you asking about his own choices or keeping your own boundaries.
The doors
Which one he is in.
There are four, and each one answers a different situation. This is so you can place which one he chose, and know what the money and the time are for.
Fire Circle$99.99 / month
Who it is for. A man who has been carrying it on his own, with nobody who would notice if he slipped.
Weekly. Opens in the new year. First month $29.99, then $99.99 a month. Cancel any time, though the month he is in is not refunded.
Keys to the Kingdom$500
Who it is for. A man who wants a better relationship, the one he has or the one he wants, and is willing to train for it rather than hope.
What it covers. His conduct in a relationship: how he communicates, keeps his agreements and earns trust.
Six weeks, seven live classes. Begins 1 November. One month of the weekly circle included.
Unshakable Foundations$1,800
Who it is for. A man who already knows which part of his life he has let go, and wants to rebuild that one part properly rather than promising to fix everything.
Ninety days. Twelve places. Three months of the weekly circle included.
100 Days of Fire$3,600
Who it is for. A man who has already done the earlier work and is ready to find out whether the standard is his, or only held while someone was watching.
By application. A weekly three-hour council, a half-day alone each week and one 24-hour period alone in the final month.
Fire Circle is monthly and he can cancel any time. The programs are paid in full or in instalments. The free audit costs nothing and does not require enrolling in anything.
Common questions
What you are probably wondering.
You and your relationship
Will he be talking about me?
Some of it, unavoidably, because most of what a man avoids involves the people closest to him. What he will not be doing is workshopping you. The work is on his conduct, not your character. If he came back with a strategy for handling you, I would have failed at my job.
Is what he says in there private?
Yes. What is said in the room stays in the room, and men are removed for breaking that. It is also why I will not tell you what he shared, even if you ask me directly. Live sessions are recorded so I can review how the room is run. Only I see the recordings, they are deleted after review, and he can opt out of being recorded. The privacy policy has the detail.
Could this turn him against me?
No. The work is on his conduct, and I have written about why the manage-her approach fails: The Red Pill Gives You Armor. If he comes back more guarded or more strategic, something has gone wrong and I want to hear about it.
What if I think he needs this and he does not?
Then it is probably not time yet. The work holds best when it is his own decision. You can share this page, say what you have noticed, and leave the choice with him.
What it is and is not
Is this therapy?
No. I am not a therapist and this is not clinical treatment. If he is carrying something that needs a clinician, this does not replace that and I will say so directly. It sits alongside that work.
Is it religious?
No. Spirit is one of the eight areas we look at, and every man defines that for himself. Nobody is asked to believe anything or join anything.
Practical
How much of his time does this take?
The weekly circle is one evening a week, two hours. Keys to the Kingdom is a weekly two-hour class plus practice for six weeks. Unshakable Foundations is a weekly session of about three hours plus a short check-in with his accountability partner. 100 Days of Fire is a weekly three-hour council and a check-in, plus a half-day alone each week and one 24-hour period alone in the final month. Demanding for a season, then back to one evening a week.
Do I need to be involved in any of it?
No. There is nothing to attend and nothing you have to do. The section below on what helps is the whole of it, and none of it requires you to be enthusiastic.
Can I speak to you directly?
Yes. Email me. I will not tell you what he has said, but I will answer anything about how this works, including whether I think it is the right time.
What actually helps
How you can help, if you choose to.
Your questions are welcome. Three things help.
Let the room be his
Other men's disclosures stay in the room, which is what makes honesty possible there. You can still ask him about his own choices and what he is working on.
Say the kept promise out loud
Most men are well practised at hearing what they got wrong. Being told you noticed the small thing he got right does more than you would expect.
The third: judge him by what he does over time. Some weeks will be harder than others. If something feels wrong, tell him, or ask me directly.
If this works, you do not get a more impressive man.You get one who keeps his word more often, and says so when he does not.
If you want to look further